Impossible Things…

So, though I seldom venture into something so personal, I would feel like I was omitting part of my life if I didn’t express a few thoughts about recent events. A few weeks ago, I ended a relationship with someone very dear to me. And I know that I am dear to him. What I want people to understand is that I grew to love this person, and he grew to love me. But not all things are meant to work out just because of love. Passions fade, arguments scar, resentments linger. We both deserve something better than clinging to battered hope. We gave it three years, three earnest attempts, all our heart. 

I respect him very much. I miss him all the time. I love him. I wish him all the best. I’m not destroying myself with guilt this time over not being able to give him everything he wanted (marriage, children, eternity). Mostly, I have found a peace and soothing calm in the knowledge that he has a chance now to find what his heart desires and deserves, someone to love and someone who can reciprocate all his love. I wish we could be friends, but I doubt the draw that always brought us back together can truly be extinguished. And it’s not worth taking another chance. 

On nights when I get sad, solace is hard to find. Reminders can bring wistful smiles or burning tears. I’m not sure I can return to volleyball. That would be the biggest reminder, with the most sway. For my friends in that community, I miss you very much too. I never meant to cause any trouble or awkwardness. 

This is all I will say about this, and then I will move on. I wish impossible things…
“To Wish Impossible Things” by The Cure

remember how it used to be

when the sun would fill up the sky

remember how we used to feel

those days would never end

those days would never end
remember how it used to be

when the stars would fill the sky

remember how we used to dream

those nights would never end

those nights would never end
it was the sweetness of your skin

it was the hope of all we might have been

that fills me with the hope to wish

impossible things
but now the sun shines cold

and all the sky is grey

the stars are dimmed by clouds and tears

and all i wish

is gone away

all i wish

is gone away
all i wish

is gone away

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