Hi ho. Life is changing at light speed. Patrick started his senior year of high school, got his driver’s license, started a new job, AND got a new car…all in the span of three days. I blinked a few times, maybe took a nap, and next thing I know, he’s grown.
I’m tickled over how excited he is. I remember the intoxicating smell of new car (is there anything that smells better?!?) and freedom. It brings such joy to my heart to see him so productive and busy. He’s got that intense sparkle in his eyes, like he’s about to kick ass. I saw it last year when he was consumed with preparation for his play (and kicked ass!).
Things are changing for me too. My cousin, Casey, is about to start taking care of my grandparents full time soon. Bam and Papa are very independent people and still live in their own place, but they need more care than me and my mom can manage, especially since Mom can no longer lift heavy stuff. Dad came up with this brainstorm solution. Casey was searching for a full time job, and they need care from someone they trust who can drive and lift a wheelchair. I’m excited for him because I know he will really enjoy it, much like I have enjoyed the last seven years helping Bam and Papa. And my grandparents will enjoy his company. Casey is the most patient, genuine person. He can watch ballgames with Papa and take Bam to the salon. However, it’s going to be strange not to plan my week around our time together. I can’t stand to not see them on a regular basis, so I’ll probably start sewing with Bam more again and take Papa to breakfast on the weekends.
Anyway, the two plus days a week that I have been spending with them will be free. And my afternoons, once spent rushing to pick up Patrick, will now be free too. Right now, that thought isn’t exciting. Mostly, it’s bewildering. I don’t know what to do with myself. Get another job? Volunteer more? Paint more? Twiddle my thumbs and panic? I have the feeling that more than a few days will be spent doing the latter. I’m sure most people would be thrilled with such freedom, but after 17 years of doing what I HAD to do; I’m flummoxed pondering what I WANT to do.