Jo’s Guide to V-Day Success

Howdy! So, I’m probably about as qualified to talk about Valentine’s Day as I am to race in the Indy 500. I can speed on the highway but that won’t make me Danica Patrick. How-some-ever, I do know a few things. Take ’em with a lump of salt.

Fellas, thoughtful gifts are key. Whether you’re Daddy Warbucks or just a good ole regular guy, the thought counts. Give her an appliance on Vday and you’ll be wearing that toaster as a hat (and getting absolutely NO smooches. NONE. NADA. AT ALL.) Appliances are SO NOT romantic. Unless it’s an Oprah-approved personal massager, you will be in the doghouse for years. (Check out Etsy for gorgeous handmade gifts that will wow her.)

Inexpensive, heartfelt gifts can be the best…a sweet note expressing all your feelings (NOT penned by Hallmark); breakfast in bed; a bouquet you picked out, flower by flower; or singing her a song. Just make sure you don’t get anything she’s allergic to…or carnations (cheap-o). No moolah at all? Spend a day cleaning the house, dropping off chilluns with relatives, cooking a meal and running her a hot bath with candles and wine for when she walks in the door. That’s lady Viagra right there, buddy. A romantic evening sans kiddies and chores is just what y’all need. Caring for each other is a fabulous gift.

If you decide to attempt a more expensive evening of Vday bliss, plan ahead. Lots of fancy restaurants get booked solid that day. It’s not a bad idea to eat out the night before, miss the crowds. Often costs less too (but if you are this deep in, what do you care about price?). Nikolai’s Roof is my personal favorite. Three hours of culinary delights, including caviar and flavored vodka shooters. You can even book a room in the hotel below the restaurant (super convenient and no worries about driving home). Nostrovia!

Lingerie is fun, just make sure you get the right size and DON’T buy cheap, tacky stuff. The ladies at Victoria’s Secret or Intimacy can help you pick out something smokin’ hot for your honey. Shoes might be a great option if you have a shoe freak girlfriend/wife/FWB. (Though I’d say this option is for guys with a seriously sartorial eye only. You GOTTA know your girl’s style. Not sure what sartorial means? Don’t even try it.)

Really, anything that shows you care about us and that you listen to us makes a world of difference. (Tell me if I’m missing the mark…like I mentioned earlier, I’m not Dr. Ruth. I just know what has been special in my experiences.)

Ladies, we tend to be thoughtful on Vday anyway, right? What else can we do? It’s tougher to buy gifts for dudes.

Silk boxers are always a fave, but you can go funny and farther. Flavored massage oils…yummy. Test drive them first though to make sure you can stand smelling like a red velvet cupcake for days afterwards. Looking to shell out cash? Give a nice watch. Always a winner. Other ideas…how about going out for a comedy show? You drink, laugh and go home in a great mood. Or give him a night out with his buds at a sporting event. Does he love playing a sport? Buy him new equipment or play with him. Show your interest in something he enjoys.

Less pricey…his fave home cooked meal, either by candlelight at the dining room table, OR watching TV shows, parked on the sofa, over some beers. Or plan a picnic outside (weather permitting). Whatever floats y’all’s boat.

Most importantly, don’t forget your family and friends in all this Vday nonsense. Send a card, a text, or call and let them know you love them. They will always love you, whereas hubba bubba and chickadee might not. And if you don’t have one of those human accoutrement on the official red-roses-of-doom-day, don’t despair. You’re like me and you didn’t have to worry about any of this $$$T! 😉


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